Double Edged
by bobtheinsaneGREENcrayon
Summary: What do you do when the world is pressuring you to make a terrible sacrifice? The world you have lived in, or the one who means the world to you? Colloyd, companion ficcie to 'Turn Away'.


Double Edged.

By : bobtheinsaneGREENcrayon

Summary: How do you choose when the all of the uncaring world is pressuring you? A short ansgty drabble on Lloyd's choice between Sylvarant and Colette. The side story to 'Turn Away'. Colloyd, done to Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia or Snow Patrol

Double Edged.

I look hard at the darkened ceiling. What did they want me to do? On one hand, there's the world, which everyone knows needs saving, and on the other, there's Colette. Colette is...well, Colette. She's willing to give herself to the world, for the sake of protecting everyone. But am I?

_We'll do it all_

_Everything..._

_On our own..._

She's always been there, ever since we were little. And I, I've been too thick headed to realize just how important she is to me. I want her with me. Always and forever. Why can't we be normal? Why can't we live in peace, without having to second guess everything. I wonder sometimes if Mom and Dad had this problem to. It seems to me that no one in my life can ever be happy. I know it's not my fault, but does Colette? I know she worries, but please, please don't worry about me, Colette.

_We don't need _

_Anything..._

_Or anyone._

I want to forget, I want to take her away, to protect her from harm. But, it's just like Kratos says: I'm not strong enough. _Damnit! _I'm never strong enough. It hurts. It hurts bad.

We are staying in Hima tonight, and I can't sleep. I look around as I sit up in bed. Everyone else seems to be asleep. How can they be so careless? No, they're not careless, they're just tired. So why aren't I? Yes, why can't I sleep? I don't care about nightmares, but being left alone to think is wearing me down. I sit up slowly, stretching out my tired limbs. Aren't I supposed to be the carefree one? It doesn't make sense. I guess it still bothers me. Today, Colette told me that it's okay, that it's only one life compared to the whole world's. And she's right, only one life. But that one life is so important to so many people, one becomes many just because of her and her radiant light.

_If I lay here..._

_If I just lay here..._

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

I'm fully clothed now, and I fasten the last strap on my red boots. Colette is now where to be found and I worry. Somehow, that little girl always makes me worry. It's kind of strange. Or is it? She seems different form everyone else, I don't want her hurt, but she is going to die tomorrow. I curse mentally at my own weakness. This system is wrong, everything is wrong. Those Cruxis thugs must be really messed up. I step carefully onto the floor boards, they do not squeak and I am relieved.

_I don't quite know.._

_How to say..._

_How I feel._

The cold air hits me as I step outside. Everything is dark, and I am amazed that Colette would choose to come out here. I can picture her, so clearly in my mind, telling me not to worry. She doesn't know that when she says that, I just worry even more. My path up the mountain is hardly visible, and I have to let go of my usual hap- hazard nature. If she sees me, she will worry and send me back to sleep. I don't want her to be alone now. She doesn't need solitude right now, and god knows I don't.

_Those three words,_

_Are said to much,_

_They're not enough..._

Now I know what Colette finds so attractive about this place. The stars are incredible, and even I can't stifle a gasp of admiration. Thousands on pinpricks, shining down, it gives you a sense of inferiority, which I haven't felt in a while. It must be relaxing to her, to know that there is life beyond this, that there is something more. I don't know how she does it. She is so strong. I can make out her small figure as she twirls around happily. I distantly wonder if it's healthy for a heart to skip so many beats. She seems to be giggling, in her own silent sort of way. I'm torn between remorse and joy. She still has her spirit, but she has to reserve it so because of a birthright that was never asked for.

Her body glows in this distant light. Even without her wings, she is an angel. I curse the gods for making such a creature suffer. If only it could go my way. In my mind, she does not have to remain silent, her gleeful cry can be heard loud and clear. No one minds the interruption in my eyes, because she is too perfect to dissuade.

_If I lay here,_

_If I just lay here,_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world._

_Forget what we're told,_

_Before we get too old,_

_Show me your garden that's bursting into life..._

I see her trademark Cruxis crystal shine briefly as she spins. My world comes crashing down. No matter how much I dream, how much we all wish, fate cannot be changed by wishing. I never knew how horribly true Kratos' proverbs are. I want... I can want the world, but without action, want becomes frivolous desire. We are small in the scheme of things, just like the stars. But, each of us has our moments of brilliance. Wow, never before have I ever thought something so poetic. I thank Colette for giving my mission purpose, even if it is a hopeless one.

She sits on the cliffs edge, her eyes staring at the sky. She looks so happy, I have to smile. I've tried to count a few stars as well, I can never get past thirty without getting confused. That's what she's doing now, counting the stars. I can see her up turned profile from my place on the other side of the plateau. She doesn't know that I'm here and her eyes travel over the sky blissfully. She is smiling.

_Let's waste time,_

_Chasing cars, _

_Around our heads_

_I need your grace, _

_To remind me,_

"_It's like my life spreading out to fill the entire world" _I can see her expression in my minds eye when she wrote on my hand. "_When I think about it like that, I'm okay." _I remember feeling like her fate was out of my hands. I told myself that she was right, that the world is full of more people just like her, and they needed a savior. But now I realize that it was a lie, back then. She was wrong. It's not just her life anymore, it's all of us. I refuse to let her go.

Please, Kami-sama, let me find a way.

_To find my own. _


End file.
